Wise Crazy Person Editorial


Kingston Is Beautiful


Have you ever stopped five meters before the bus stop that you try to get to at 8:15 every morning, and look around your habitat from such a vantage point? Have you ever dug under the small mountain of snow on top of your front lawn, looking for the cigarette butt that your date from Tinder left behind two months ago? Have you ever stopped your pace, when you’re taking a stroll on Union street, to stare at the pink flesh of the dead squirrel beside your foot step and ponder the meaning of le?


No? Well I guess you are probably pretty sane, unlike me. But fuck your sanity, because if beauty is relative, and I set my bar lower than others, then I get to see more beauty in the world around me.


Okay, if you’re not actually sane and was offended by my comment, I’m sorry. But then again, if you are getting offended at a shitty joke of a newspaper, you probably need some serious help. Go see a counsellor today.


Anyhow. The days are sunny most of the time now! The amount of snow on the ground is decreasing day by day, and shit that’s been buried underneath is slowly resurfacing. Maybe you’ll find that cup of coffee that you left outside the ARC back in January when you wanted your coffee to cool down a bit while you went to the washroom – it got covered in snow fifteen minutes later and you couldn’t find it anymore. Life is full of surprises, and most of them are the consequences of the bad life choices you’ve made in the past. You’ve got nobody else to thank other than yourself for the shit, however good tasting it may be, that you have to go through.


So, child, take a step back once in a while and let it all sink in. The city you live in is full of beauty, and it just takes a sensitive heart to appreciate. Go and enjoy it!


Take your favourite person and go on a date by the farmer’s market. Nothing says “I love you” more than a jar of peanut butter jalapeno cheddar jam. Plus, it’ll be a good excuse to do your groceries after a month of no fucks given.


When it’s dawn, dress up in your fanciest suit, put on all your flashing jewelries, and take a phantasmagorical walk north of Princess Street. Have an open heart and chat with the people you meet there. Go have some coffee with that guy with the beard, dreads, and smokey fragrant, and hear what he has to say! If he asks for your money, or your life, give it to him. There is nothing more exhilarating than losing control to another person and be completely immersed in your vulnerability. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing.


And most important of all, when it’s dark at night and the red light district across the ocean – I mean, Wolfe Island – is brightly lit, go skinny dipping by the pier. The coldness of the water will shock you into a seizure that enlightens your inner goddess. A night in Kingston is going to be worth more than your life’s worth of crack cocaine.