Now that I have the attention of every single gender studies students, let me get to the real point of this article. Women do have it easier than men, when it comes to going out! I’m well aware that the vast majority of women are going to be very skeptical, but at this point you are already too invested in this article to stop reading now!
Making plans to go out can take the full time and resources of any happy-go-lucky Queens boy. We can expect to send at least 200 texts on any given night with the hope of maybe getting a response from a friend who isn’t staying in tonight because they’re, “feeling kinda tired.” I don’t care if your dog got hit by a drunk old lady driving a school bus, I need to hit up stages tonight! Girls have a tightly knit group of wing-sistas whom they can count on at anytime to join them for a night on the town. And if by some impossible situation all of a girl’s friends are busy, there is an infinite supply of tinder matches waiting to take some of you out, and they’ll probably pay for at least one of your drinks #rollingInDaMoney.
Planning an outfit for the night takes more mental effort than a man will ever commit to a relationship. Women can put on literally any combination of top and yoga pants and they are set for the night. Knowing that there will be 5,000 other guys to compete with, men really have to plan accordingly so that they will stand out. This means choosing an outfit that showcases their parental prowess and emotional maturity. Good choices include: plaid button downs (tucked in obviously), patterned cardigans, and/or a babybjörn® baby carrier.
Next are the pre’s. Hanging out in a room with 5 other guys is literally every guy’s idea of a bad time. I mean sure, it’s nice to see your bros, listen to some music, and have a couple drinks, but you can do that anytime! The real reason men even bother putting on pants and going out is so that they can talk to girls! Women however, are the exact opposite. Get a bottle of wine, a Taylor Swift CD, and a poster of Channing Tatum, and girls are set for the night.
Finally going out. Men usually have to spend at least twice as much as girls on cover. Then, once we’re finally in a bar or club, we will spend the entire contents of our wallets attempting to woo a possible female companion, usually coming home with only a dry mouth and a bittersweet memory of what could have been. Women have to deal with 5,000 guys trying to put their dicks on/in them for the entire night. Okay fine, women have it harder.