Women: What are they hiding in their Vaginas? Is it Guns? It Must Be Guns. a Special Report

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Women. Wimmin. Womyn. Without Men. The original temptress. Adam’s ol’ ball and chain. The unt-pire to men’s baseball game of life. But behind this labyrinthine enigma of mystery lies another puzzle. Their vaginas. More like vagin-UGH, amirite fellas?
Besides being a portal from God’s conception to our blessed world, what do they do for the rest of the day? Are they pagan blood-shed vestibules or do they harbour man’s greatest invention and gift to the world: GUNS?! 
Otherwise known as “Nature’s Coin-Purse”, the vagina has remained dormant for far too long in the gun debate in our country. A queef is but a gun’s tender cry for help, for sweet release from this loose muscular prison. If “women” are indeed fostering WMDs in their coochs, then we as a society have a responsibility to investigate and prosecute them. Please understand that Golden Fox News isn’t above waterboarding those mothers of sonsabitches to obtain answers. Douche first, questions later.
When Moses parte the Red Sea he did not hydroplane off a female’s crimson wave into God’s grace. He did it by standing his ground with an AK-47 sheathed by his wife Zipporah’s loving fish mitten. Is it just a coincidence that periods and communism both propagate their hidden agendas through red imagery??? We once accidently sat in on a liberal FARTS course in our first year, so yeah we know a thing or two about colour theory.
When feminists confront us with “statistics” concerning prevalent sexual assault and wage disparities between men and women, and how women are “systematically disadvantaged”, we simply scoff and demand our right to bear their puss-arms. Nice try ladies, but we do not negotiate with biological terrorists.  Our pitch to you is to create a handheld gun with an adjacent fleshlight so after we kill all our enemies (YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID POLAND), we can make masculine totally normal love to our rifles. Cut out the “grot slot” and instead fill our fists with our mighty seed, or “God’s mustard”. 
Do not let the left leaning tree-fuckers deter you from our message. Just say no to any “ham wallets” that you meet, and opt instead to shake them down for every single bullet they’re concealing in their illegal snatches.
 

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