Would Anyone Like to Trade for my West Campus Single?

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Hello everyone. I am writing here today because I have the loveliest, most spectacular single room in all of Queen’s University, and I fucking need to move out. If there is anyone at all who wants to move into my room on West Campus please let me know. Please you guys, I need this.

My room on West has hardwood floors, an extra long single bed, and even a reasonable amount of closet space. It has a sturdy desk, a large bulletin board, and more room for posters and pictures than I could ever come up with. And yet, I would be willing to give up my amazing room that you should totally grab, for your far worse room (on Main Campus only please).


Out of the goodness of my heart, I am willing to give one lucky (Main Campus only thank you very much) student my gorgeous, spacious room, in exchange for a far smaller and generally worse one on Main Campus.

Did you know West Campus has its own cafeteria? It’s actually amazing how much better the food situation is when you live out here on West. The food is really good, too! I heard it might even be the best food of any caf, but I’d give it up for you, whoever you are, if you’ll (Main Campus please dear God please) just trade rooms with me. Think about how much stir fry you’ll be able to eat without having to worry about the horrible Ban Righ line!

Everything about West Campus is so cool. We have this completely tribal vibe where everyone is super tight with each other – apparently you can make some much closer friends on your floor when you’re out on West, because of how much time you spend with everyone. Isn’t that so great? Anyone? It’s great isn’t it? Any takers? Please? Hello?

I’ve heard that the Duncan McArthur library is a solid choice for anybody looking to study in peace and quiet. On West Campus, the walk to the library is so short, you can almost see it from the cafeteria. Meanwhile, on boring, lame Main Campus, everything is spread out and inconvenient. But if anybody at all (Main only, seriously!) is interested in trading rooms with me, I’m willing to do it. Specifically so that you, the lucky one, can enjoy the amenable facilities here on the magnificent West Campus.

No, I don’t consider myself a saint. But, I do think I do the right thing when I’m called upon. And right now, I feel called upon to offer up my near-perfect room, situated in the heart of West Campus, to one (MAIN ONLY) lucky student.

I know that to some, it doesn’t matter where you end up in residence. It really doesn’t to me – honest! I just know that there has to be somebody else, somewhere out there, who does care where they are, and will not rest until they move to West. I’m happy to trade. No, honestly. It’s really nothing. I’m happy to do it. I insist it really is no trouble! But only if you’re on MAIN CAMPUS, haha. Just kidding, but not really, haha.

Any takers?

– Sam Goldstein

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