Writing Home, With Shame

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For when you have to write home and making it look okay just isn’t possible.

Hey Ma and Pa,

Long-time no letter… My bad. I’ve just been really busy with trying to make friends, apparently frosh week isn’t enough to hold people together school. The unfortunate thing is that it isn’t going quite as well as I imagined.

I’m just going to say it outright. I failed two of my midterms, am rocking the 5-0 and go policy, and can’t understand a single word my math teacher is saying…When I go that is. My grades aren’t where they used to be, but that’s okay. University is a lot harder than high school anyways. Hardly anyone can keep up their grades. Not that I really talk to anyone. I think I’m going to drop out and work at McDs or something because I have to be able to do something and it certainly seems like school isn’t it that first term is really showing me what I need to change in my life, and I know I’ll be more successful next term. You think I could be good at a drive-thru window right?

I think that part of the problem I’m having is with maintaining my health. I’m pretty sure that I got herpes from a random on Halloween. I was horny, a little drunk and I couldn’t help myself. But, hey, it isn’t AIDS! Now don’t worry, I don’t have anything that will kill me. It’s just that I haven’t been taking the best care of myself. I’ve been looking into ways to get better and some anti-itch cream goes a long way in letting me sleep through the night increasing my sleep helps.

Do you remember how you were teasing about the freshman 15? I don’t have a scale, so I’m not entirely sure how that’s going, but none of pants are fitting how I like and it’s not because they are too loose! Who would have thought? I know you were worried after I expressed my love of endless dessert, a pizza bar at the caf, oh, and Lazy, but I’m fine! Especially now that I have run out of meals and am going to starve diet for the rest of term, just consider it a hunger strike or something socially moving like that. Then you won’t have to feel so ashamed.

Anyways, I should get back to getting drunk in order to meet people that will likely soon forget me the daily grind. Could you book my transportation home? It’s not the money. I just thought that would be the easiest way to have a convenient arrival for you. (That was a lie, it is the money).

Lots of Love,

Your Name

P.S. Help

 

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