Yo daddy is corny and whack and can only inspire you to be a shittier version of yourself. Here is a succinct list of zingers I keep in my back pocket to chase him off this clit when he comes sniffing around:
Yo daddy is so absent in your life that his distance is only measurable by light.
Yo daddy is so inappropriate around yo friends that he repeatedly asks your bff Meghan (with an H) if her boyfriend Todd is treating her “right”.
Yo daddy is so disillusioned with the state of millennial employment that he is genuinely baffled that you’re not a home-owner yet.
Yo daddy is so middle-management he has to respond in a timely manner to emails on his company’s Blackberry Bold™.
Yo daddy is so hung that the penis-envy he inspires in you urges you to act Oedipally, and you don’t even like your fucking mom.
Yo daddy is so reckless with money that he upgraded his year-old Kenmore grill for a 2017 Broil King model.
Yo daddy is so emotionally stunted that he offers to buy you and your friends weed if you smoke with him.
Yo daddy is so almost sexist that he has remind himself that her name is “Diane from IT” and not “that mouthy broad”.
Yo daddy is so self-congratulatory that he spent so much time feeling good about remembering his anniversary that he forgot to buy your mom a present.
Yo daddy is so pent-up with unexplored rage that he scares the whole family if the Senators™ lose.
Yo daddy is so nostalgic for his high school glory days that he attends local U18 lacrosse games even though he doesn’t have a kid on the team.
Yo daddy is so inept at using technology that you usually end up having to erase his search history after you see the terms “girl on girl with girl watching”, “elbow stuff”, and “underwater tits” open on multiple Yahoo tabs.