You Know, You Could Totally Just be Getting Fucked Up Right Now


Hey kids. Look, I know November can be kind of a somber time. The days are getting shorter and shorter and the empty, dead trees are beginning to bear witness to the first taste of subzero temperatures. School work is starting to pile up as the semester creeps steadily towards its zenith. I get it. I just wanted to take the time to remind you that you could totally just be getting fucked up right now. Like absolutely shittered. Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, over-the-counter pain relievers – whatever, it’s really up to you.
Sure, that assignment is due by 3pm on Friday and you’ve put a lot of time and research into it before getting ready to finally type it out. When you get it done, not only will it be one of the strongest papers you’ve written in your academic career, but you will get the satisfaction of having achieved something you can be proud of. Good for you! Alternatively – have you ever thought of just ditching that and going on an 18 hour bender of Peyote hallucinations? Or huffing so much glue that your legs cease to function for an indeterminate amount of time. Just consider it – how much fun you could be having at the expense of your brain and internal organs. Plus you get some pretty whack visions. It’s a lot of fun. 
I’m not here to tell you what to do – it’s your life and you live it however you see fit. I’m just saying, sometimes it’s just good to take a moment, sit back, pop a combination of Molly, Oxy, and licking the back of a toad, and just forget all of your problems. 
University can be stressful and sometimes you have to take some “me time” to pump yourself with so many chemicals that it brings you to the brink of death while contemplating such questions of the universe as, “What if we are all just living on the back of panther trotting its way through the forest?” Shit like that is why you came to university in the first place – to open yourselves up to new ideas and new experiences.  
Like instead of sitting in Graphics, pretending to learn while reading this “newspaper”, you could be back in your bed, eyes rolling into the back of your head while your brain melts to the sweet tune of 100% pure China white heroin. Or even just some grain alcohol mixed with antifreeze. You could be going out having a great time with friends, having the best sex of your life, or experiencing a spiritual awakening achieving a level of enlightenment most could never even imagine – if only you chose to get fucked up. Really, really fucked up. But it’s a choice. Totally up to you. I’m just saying.