Your Second Year in 69 Words

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  • Frosh Week: After downing 7 vodka crans like it was your morning orange juice at the 4am kegger and dressing up as a voluptuous eggplant you get into the pit for the second time. You’re still amped even though you are slightly hungover and have full knowledge of the bodily fluids the upper years will “accidently” warmed the water with.
  •   Weeks 1-2: You pay 10 dollars to get into a house party with people you just met, thrown by people you don’t know only to find out the keg is empty and the cops were called
  •   Weeks 3-4: Going to bars and feeling superior since you no longer have to memorize that Becky Malcolm lives at 338 Who-the-Fuck-Cares crescent
  •   Week 5: Day drinking at homecoming and regretfully napping just to wake up hungover at 6pm covered in bruises and wondering what you did in broad daylight to get them
  •   Week 8: Praying that Halloweek will be above zero degrees because you no longer have your mom to blame for why you’re wearing snow pants under your costume
  •   Weeks 1-10: Going to ritual before your 4:30 class on Fridays that you will never attend since it is way more important to prepare for the puke and rally you’re about to put yourself through for Friday night
  •   Week 9-12: Watching the invincible girls who still manage to go downtown in miniskirts and crop tops in the middle of November when you’re cold sitting by your utility sucking baseboard heaters in a snuggy
  •   Exams: Going out in the middle of hell month because if you’re in engineering, life is hard and everything sucks so why not get drunk
  •   Second semester: Barely making it through frost week before realising your liver is not made of iron, and what’s the point of having Netflix if you don’t hibernate on your couch and watch it 24/7

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